I have been told that people can't change. I disagree with this - are we all the same people we were last year? Five years ago? Ten? I really hope not....
We are ever changing - we evolve and continually grow into ourselves. Everyday we make decisions to propel forward. The same can be said for our partners/ex-partners. Time, consideration, lack of anger, and dissecting the old and creating the new allow for all involved to start over.
I haven't written about how my husband and I came to be back together - our words, actions, and feelings around this are between us. Nothing was overnight, there were no quick decisions, and time played the biggest factor in our new relationship. No pressures to be anything other than who we are now.
I want a loving, supportive, and positive relationship for myself. Nothing I do is rash or weak minded, and my plans aren't made in the naive hope that things have changed for us. I'm in a new and different relationship from any I've experienced before - I just happen to have a history with this man.
We have both earned the respect and love of each other for who we are now - kind, thoughtful, openly loving, happy people.
A lot of relationships should remain ended - but there are exceptions...and in this exception lays my sweet little family.
I'm not justifying unkind behavior/words, I'm speaking only of my experience. I do not want any woman to stay with someone who puts her down, physically hurts her, or worse.
I am grateful for everything that I felt/went through - good and bad - because it lead me to this place. I know how I was accountable for some upset in our previous relationship - ie. not speaking up and fading into the background - and I'm actively being present.
I give my husband credit, he didn't give up on us after I said I was done and actively talked to a Lawyer. He never seemed 100% sure - but he respected my decision [because who wants to be with someone who doesn't love them?]. The reality is that the love never went away - we just buried it.
None of us can judge another based on our similar experiences. All experiences are different even when they look the same. We all have our own feelings, perceptions, and stories because we are all diverse.
We can offer each other advise and encouragement, but ultimately we need to make our choices based on how we feel now, and what makes us feel good.
If we feel joy in life then we enjoy our lives. Those around us who have opinions [about us] based on their lives can remain stuck in our old relationships. That is their prerogative.