tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45302483095844847722024-03-13T23:54:59.718-07:00Solo MommyReconcilingSolo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-927847049092878682010-05-25T20:23:00.000-07:002010-05-25T20:32:51.149-07:00Ruminating MommySince I'm no longer a Single Mommy I have decided to start writing under a new name, and thus have moved my postings from this blog to <a href="http://ruminatingmommy.blogspot.com/">Ruminating Mommy</a>.<br /><br />I would love it if my current Followers of "Solo Mommy" would join me at "Ruminating Mommy" as I will be deleting this blog after a period of time. I also invite any new Followers to link to "<a href="http://ruminatingmommy.blogspot.com/">Ruminating Mommy</a>". (I am always excited to see a new follower...and I love receiving comments....)Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-52529612023125458532010-05-24T21:59:00.000-07:002010-05-24T22:22:04.930-07:00Dimple Elbows...As Ava grows everyday I see less and less of the baby, and more of a little Lady. She has opinions and concerns, and she states them at every opportunity. I watch her use teaching moments with younger children - to keep them safe - and I smile because she's very clear on boundaries and rules.... <br /><br />Now that she's in Preschool I see that Ava does still have some of her baby face [in comparison to the other children], and I feel a mixture of happiness and sadness for the day when her puffy cheeks disappear. With the warmer Spring/Summer weather she'll be dressing in <br />t-shirts - and I'll take every opportunity to stare at her dimple elbows before they smooth over.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-46557999885946035912010-05-17T22:00:00.000-07:002010-05-18T10:57:30.994-07:00The cycle of WomanhoodWe are fortunate in our Womanhood to be a part of the cycle. Another woman is always entering into the same situation that we just moved past. Someone else has experienced what we're just beginning. In our lives we will always be supporting another Lady, or looking for encouragement. <br /><br />Our words to each other are important as we all feel extremely alone at some time in our lives. Someone else understanding how we feel probably won't lessen our emotions, but this mutual knowing can carry us through to better times. As Jim Morrison said, you've got to "Break on through to the other side...." <br /><br />Let's be thoughtful with what we say. Smiling at another women as we pass on the sidewalk can lift spirits (theirs and ours) - we never know what kind of day, or life they're having. <br /><br />I know that this cycle is not exclusive to Women - all humans are a part of it - but for this post I want to put the energy into Womanhood.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-12285487536923722672010-05-17T21:49:00.001-07:002010-05-17T21:59:01.716-07:00Seven Deuce<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S_Id6VI9J0I/AAAAAAAAAJY/mfiK5xZsUeo/s1600/photo2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S_Id6VI9J0I/AAAAAAAAAJY/mfiK5xZsUeo/s200/photo2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5472469385152898882" /></a><br />Several people asked me if there was any significance to the large 7 my husband brought home awhile ago (see my previous post <a href="http://solomommy1.blogspot.com/2010/05/seven.html">Seven.... </a>). At the time I thought that there wasn't. Yesterday I thought about this upcoming weekend, and I realized that it will be our 7th Wedding Anniversary. (Years 5 and 6 we spent apart.) <br /><br />The Universe is a funny thing....Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-52973346064210064542010-05-17T21:29:00.000-07:002010-05-17T21:45:15.235-07:00The Labour Union PhotographersIn part with being listed as one of the "30 Ultimate Vancouver Mom Blogs" on <a href="http://www.vancouvermom.ca/">Vancouver Mom</a> I received some courtesy head shots. I want to thank <a href="http://www.thelabourunion.com/">The Labour Union Photographers </a> for my lovely photos.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-56949291370201874732010-05-13T13:34:00.000-07:002011-05-13T20:13:49.058-07:00Nights out....<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S-xnaIh-WYI/AAAAAAAAAIo/eAXcOb7jyHY/s1600/300x125_Top30.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470861346012551554" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S-xnaIh-WYI/AAAAAAAAAIo/eAXcOb7jyHY/s200/300x125_Top30.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 83px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 200px;" /></a>I'm excited because tonight I'm attending an event for the "30 Ultimate Mom Blogs" hosted by <a href="http://www.vancouvermom.ca/">Vancouver Mom</a>. I'm looking forward to meeting the other Ladies who blog, and possibly making some new connections. <br />
<br />
Tomorrow evening I'm going out with my two closet friends for a chick night.... I'm going to paint my nails, put on some<br />
heels, and enjoy an apple martini. (I will greatly miss my little sister not being there, but she's coming for a visit next month.)<br />
<br />
Two nights out in a row is something I haven't done in years....Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-63155650964281092282010-05-09T16:17:00.000-07:002010-05-09T17:30:04.516-07:00Happy Mother's Day<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S-dFkjtxlFI/AAAAAAAAAIg/hqS2aWQkm-k/s1600/Mother%27s+Day+Gift+2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S-dFkjtxlFI/AAAAAAAAAIg/hqS2aWQkm-k/s200/Mother%27s+Day+Gift+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5469416766829597778" /></a><br />To all the Ladies who are Mothers/expectant Mothers - Happy Mother's Day! <br /><br />I know that so many women who do not yet have children, spent another day thinking about their future kids...wondering how long they'll have to wait to meet the little ones, and what their characteristics will be. To these women I say, utilize your time for yourself now, and enjoy what you have in your life at this moment. When they do arrive, a significant portion of your thoughts, and every decision you will make will be involving, and for, them. They will charm you with their sweetness and loving innocence, and in the next moment make you want to rip your hair out.... <br /><br />My sweet little Ava gave me these blooms (also from my Husband and the cat) for Mother's Day. Purple is my favourite colour, and I always like to get flowers. She also made me a gift at Preschool, and yes, I did tear up when she gave it to me. Somehow, over the three and a half years she's been on this planet, I've turned into a woman who can cry upon receiving a homemade card...and watching sappy commercials.... <br /><br />The other day Ava told me that she "...loves me more than the hugest rainbow, the sun, and the stars, and dolphins." She said it with conviction and gave me a big hug. Pretty cute - it canceled out the previous whining.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-2629303060917690692010-05-03T15:36:00.000-07:002010-05-03T16:17:52.311-07:00Seven....<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S99Uzw0Yx2I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/gX_k_S4_b1Y/s1600/photo2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S99Uzw0Yx2I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/gX_k_S4_b1Y/s200/photo2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467181720905762658" /></a><br />I feel grateful for the funny moments in life. For example, when your spouse comes home from a vintage shop with a 3 ft tall 7. His sheepish look says it all, <br />"Will anyone else love this 7?" <br />"Will I have to take back the 7?" <br /><br />I happen to like the number 7, and I don't mind having some bizarre items hanging on my walls.... <br /><br />Ava excitedly exclaimed, "I've never had a 7 on my living room wall before!" It seems that she's also game for things that are off the wall...or on the wall in this case.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-67440534243353395342010-04-21T20:59:00.000-07:002010-05-03T15:40:05.856-07:00Vancouver's 30 Ultimate Mom Blogs<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S99QuZ7yw2I/AAAAAAAAAII/ZNVVvwzV8H8/s1600/125x125_Top30.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 125px; height: 125px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/S99QuZ7yw2I/AAAAAAAAAII/ZNVVvwzV8H8/s200/125x125_Top30.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467177230816953186" /></a><br />I am thrilled to have Solo Mommy listed as one of the 30 Ultimate Vancouver Mom Blogs on Vancouver Mom! Thank you to everyone who voted for my blog - I appreciate the votes, and I value the recognition.<br /><br />Grab a tea, or a glass of wine, and have a read through some of the other blogs that are on the list on <a href="http://www.vancouvermom.ca/best-of/30-ultimate-vancouver-mom-blogs/">Vancouver Mom</a>.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-50527970095583996942010-04-08T21:35:00.001-07:002011-05-13T20:17:01.466-07:00Feeling love....<div><br />
I have moments in my daily life when I feel pure contentment in my relationship. I smile to myself and continue on with my tasks. This quiet understanding that love can be tranquil and be true, elevates me to move forward to feel more love. Drama, passion, fire, and the push and pull of desire are just as real as peacefulness, contentment, tenderness, and gratitude. Any of these emotions and actions make us feel alive.<br />
<br />
My personality is calm and quiet... it makes sense that I feel love in this way. </div><br />
<div>Let's stop judging our feelings in comparison to how other's experience love, and instead focus on adoring the people in our lives in ways that are unique to each of us. </div>Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-9490392502259663542010-04-08T21:31:00.000-07:002011-05-13T20:17:17.180-07:00Ava's adjustment....Ava is adjusting very well to her new home with Mommy and Daddy. Her nighttime sleeping was a little off kilter for the first week, and now we're back into the swing of things. Not that anything can be swung around here...we still have some boxes to unpack.... <br />
<br />
If Ava has an upset in the night she can snuggle for a bit with Mommy and Daddy before going back to her big girl bed. She can choose which parent does bath time and bedtime stories (and Mommy can choose if she wants Daddy to do them so she can unwind...). <br />
<br />
Sometimes Daddy surprises Ava and Mommy by showing up after Preschool to play in the park and to give a ride home. He also takes her for walks to the grocery store with a list prepared by Mommy...so Mommy can have some quiet time.... <br />
<br />
Ava will enjoy some Daddy time on Saturday morning when Mommy sleeps in and Daddy prepares her breakfast. She will enjoy some Mommy time on Sunday when Daddy sleeps a little longer. Really, between the child and the cat, no one will be getting any extra sleep - but we're going to stay in bed and attempt it anyway.<br />
<br />
Speaking of the cat, he keeps Ava entertained and giggling throughout the day. Sometimes Mommy feels like she's living in a zoo...with the cat rolling toilet paper down the stairs...then pouncing and shredding it...and Ava putting her little stuffed puppy (on a leash) in the cat water bowl for an "Around and Around" (as she aptly named it) leaving cat water all over the kitchen floor.... (Mommy loves post shower surprises - but hey if a t.p. stair runner and an "Around and Around" allow an extra 5 minutes in the shower then so be it.) <br />
<br />
Adjustments and relaxation are happening all over the place here....Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-86006701939042595682010-04-08T20:31:00.000-07:002011-05-13T20:17:29.129-07:00Reaching out....It's amazing the potential encouragement we miss out on by not reaching out to other Moms. I've been in many children's classes with Ava over the past two years, and I thought that I was the only single Mom among these Moms. <br />
<br />
I recently found out that a Mom in one of Ava's previous classes is a single Mom. Over the last year our daughters have been in several classes together and we missed the opportunity of becoming friends - of being a support to each other. (We have now moved and I won't see this Mom again.)<br />
<br />
We never know what doors may open for us if we share just a little more with other women. A single sentence can change someone's day, and a conversation can change a person's life.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-58222572157901710562010-03-03T21:41:00.000-08:002011-05-13T20:17:42.611-07:00I'm going on a vacation!I'm getting very excited to leave in two days for a much needed vacation. I'm going to visit my sister - she moved across the country in the summer. I know that I'll miss Ava as I haven't spent more than a few days away from her ever, but at the same time I really need some Me time.<br />
<br />
I'm looking forward to the quiet of the plane trip - this sounds odd I know. I'll be able to read (a novel or gossip magazines), listen to music, and watch a movie, and my only concerns will be - Do I want to eat this? Should I take a nap? <br />
<br />
Ava's Daddy will be watching her for the week and they'll have fun together. She'll have plenty of park time, and he'll have a chance to experience what it's like to spend time with her 24 hours a day again. <br />
<br />
Ava has known for awhile that I'm going, and this week she started saying, "I'm going to miss you when you're away". It's very sweet - I'll probably start to feel a physical ache a few days into the trip. I'll be busy though...being an audience member on a couple of t.v. shows, seeing the Ballet, wandering the museum, being a tourist.... Much of my time will be spent shopping, having cocktails, and planning future endeavors. <br />
<br />
Before I go I have to pack for the week (for myself and Ava), finish preparing and cleaning my place for viewings while I'm away, and be a parent volunteer on Ava's preschool field trip - this will be my day tomorrow....Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-35942530567262404992010-02-19T19:52:00.000-08:002011-05-13T20:17:52.642-07:00Newness....I have been told that people can't change. I disagree with this - are we all the same people we were last year? Five years ago? Ten? I really hope not.... <br />
<br />
We are ever changing - we evolve and continually grow into ourselves. Everyday we make decisions to propel forward. The same can be said for our partners/ex-partners. Time, consideration, lack of anger, and dissecting the old and creating the new allow for all involved to start over. <br />
<br />
I haven't written about how my husband and I came to be back together - our words, actions, and feelings around this are between us. Nothing was overnight, there were no quick decisions, and time played the biggest factor in our new relationship. No pressures to be anything other than who we are now. <br />
<br />
I want a loving, supportive, and positive relationship for myself. Nothing I do is rash or weak minded, and my plans aren't made in the naive hope that things have changed for us. I'm in a new and different relationship from any I've experienced before - I just happen to have a history with this man. <br />
<br />
We have both earned the respect and love of each other for who we are now - kind, thoughtful, openly loving, happy people. <br />
<br />
A lot of relationships should remain ended - but there are exceptions...and in this exception lays my sweet little family. <br />
<br />
I'm not justifying unkind behavior/words, I'm speaking only of my experience. I do not want any woman to stay with someone who puts her down, physically hurts her, or worse.<br />
<br />
I am grateful for everything that I felt/went through - good and bad - because it lead me to this place. I know how I was accountable for some upset in our previous relationship - ie. not speaking up and fading into the background - and I'm actively being present. <br />
<br />
I give my husband credit, he didn't give up on us after I said I was done and actively talked to a Lawyer. He never seemed 100% sure - but he respected my decision [because who wants to be with someone who doesn't love them?]. The reality is that the love never went away - we just buried it.<br />
<br />
None of us can judge another based on our similar experiences. All experiences are different even when they look the same. We all have our own feelings, perceptions, and stories because we are all diverse. <br />
<br />
We can offer each other advise and encouragement, but ultimately we need to make our choices based on how we feel now, and what makes us feel good. <br />
<br />
If we feel joy in life then we enjoy our lives. Those around us who have opinions [about us] based on their lives can remain stuck in our old relationships. That is their prerogative.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-74670821980558682432010-01-22T22:09:00.000-08:002011-05-13T20:18:09.601-07:00Reuniting....I am enjoying the resiliency of self that emotional closure can bring. The end of lingering bitterness, and anger, from the failures of a relationship. No more thoughts about who said what, or who was wronged. <br />
<br />
I'm feeling life one day at a time... or for the first time.... I'm actively looking forward to great changes of events, and what I'm inviting into my life. <br />
<br />
The final months of 2009 brought new perspectives and the space to examine past decisions - to feel them out again. Once I make a decision I go with it with no self doubt, but I was hit with a change of heart this time. Time apart has allowed my Ex and I to let go of the old and embrace the new. <br />
<br />
Now we are getting together for what feels like the first time. We are open and we never were before. Over the last year our respect for, and of each other, has strengthened. I have realized that he has had my back...I never acknowledged this before. We are optimistic together, talking when we would have usually remained silent, planning goals for our family as one, enjoying our daughter together.<br />
<br />
I feel content knowing that the other person in the world who loves Ava as I do will be there for her everyday. When I look up with a happy tear at one of her accomplishments, his eyes will be the ones I meet. When I look up with emotion because of one of my accomplishments, his eyes will be the ones I look to. <br />
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My family and friends have had mixed feelings about our new relationship. Some people are thrilled for us, and others are living in our past, and may never let go of their feelings and perceptions. Their opinions are just that, theirs, and no one knows the goings on of a relationship unless they're in it. So I'm moving forward because I want to - I can do this with, or without, support as this feels right for us. <br />
<br />
My Ex is no longer my "Ex" and he is now my Husband. I have a Husband...after 2 years apart this title sounds different to me.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-28669478229793393342009-12-31T17:30:00.000-08:002011-05-13T20:18:23.937-07:00Happy New Year!As the hours count down to the end of this decade, I ponder the changes in my life. If I could tell my 21 year old self of 1999 [as she danced to Prince] what was coming up for her in the next decade she may have felt overwhelmed. <br />
<br />
Between the years of 2000 and 2009, I have attended various universities, moved several times, supported women in crisis through on-call phone work, worked a high stress/well paying job - quit said job to start a Wedding Decor business, worked my ass off creating other people's weddings, married, travelled, had a child, grieved many family deaths, separated from my husband, spent 2 years on my own with my daughter, moved several more times, and said "Hello" and "Goodbye" to many friends. <br />
<br />
Now it's the Eve of another new decade, and this 31 year old is ready for anything. I feel strong and optimistic, and I know in my heart that I will have a wonderful life from this moment on.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-61311040908260905302009-12-12T20:27:00.000-08:002011-05-13T20:18:42.632-07:00Take a look from the other side....All of us single Moms, jilted Ladies, and broken hearted women, feel so hurt by the ending of our [romantic] relationships; but what of the men?<br />
<br />
I know that some relationships/partnerships are abusive, or less than desirable, and others are fine but end none the less, and we all need to move on. <br />
<br />
In our anger, sadness, and betrayal, we analyze our side over and over. We deconstruct the minutiae of events, words, feelings, and outcomes. We may grow to resent our ex-partner, and think him to be thoughtless. If he feels upset by the breakup we may believe this is deserved and feel no sympathy.<br />
<br />
As we experience the deep loneliness of being single and having to re-group to move forward, perhaps these men do too. It is possible that they have unresolved feelings of rejection, sorrow, guilt, sadness, etc. I mean anything is possible right?<br />
<br />
While we reel in the misery and relief that comes with a dissolution, maybe our Ex's are doing, and going through, the same things. Perhaps we should give them more credit - maybe not all of them, but some of them. <br />
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As much as we want to grow and find ourselves again, they must want this as well - I'm speaking of the mature men. <br />
<br />
I was listening to the lyrics of "You Still Touch Me" and I thought about what life may be like on the other side.<br />
<br />
Another night finds me alone<br />
In my dreams<br />
You still touch me<br />
<br />
Now if I sleep<br />
I sleep here alone<br />
In my bed tonight<br />
You still haunt me<br />
<br />
In my nightmares<br />
You still hold me<br />
<br />
And after all that we've been through<br />
Now I'm wondering<br />
If you still blame me<br />
If only half of this was true<br />
That you believe of me<br />
You still shame me<br />
<br />
I close my eyes<br />
I seem to hear the raindrops saying<br />
You won't come back<br />
<br />
- Sting; You Still Touch Me; Mercury Falling, 1996 - <br />
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So much sadness for everyone involved in a disintegrated union. <br />
<br />
Instead of lashing out at the other side with words, actions, etc. perhaps we can give each other a break. This is hard on every one of us as it is - we all need the space to go inside and heal. <br />
<br />
Take away the Man vs. Woman, Woman vs. Man energy, and we're left with humans who are flawed, and who just want to be loved and respected. <br />
<br />
If we look at our Ex's and accept who they were, who they are, and who they'll be, then respect can flourish. <br />
<br />
[In this post I'm not speaking of relationships where extreme abuse, endangerment, or inappropriate behavior in front of children occurred. In these cases emotional and physical distance, hope, time, and the law may have to be factors in letting go and gaining respect.]Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-13447541734131032112009-11-28T16:37:00.000-08:002011-05-13T20:19:00.648-07:00Guilt trips - not an ideal tripGuilt trips are not fun, period. I really feel that when someone pulls a guilt trip they're actively attempting to take away your personal decision making. We all know what we want, and don't want, to do. When someone urges us to do things their way, then it's unfair. If we choose an outcome that differs from their wants, then they pull out the guilt card. Well, I'm sticking to my own decisions, and I'm not going to apologize if we disagree.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-12851252821478479302009-11-24T19:13:00.000-08:002009-12-13T19:54:59.402-08:00What to do....<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/SwyqO_88wJI/AAAAAAAAAGA/cx_hZwJx4dQ/s1600/IMG_10021.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 178px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/SwyqO_88wJI/AAAAAAAAAGA/cx_hZwJx4dQ/s200/IMG_10021.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407884427227086994" /></a><br />How do you let go of a man you've loved since the moment you looked into his eyes? How does he let go of you?<br /><br />So many years, and many unspoken words. Conversations that should have come about; neither person spoke up out of fear of appearing foolish.<br /><br />What do you do when the thought of this man makes your heart beat harder? The though of him warms your skin. <br /><br />The resonance of his laugh makes you smile.<br /><br />His feelings for you are deep, but not often expressed to you.<br /><br />Where do you go when his beauty makes your heart swell, but he's oblivious?<br /><br />What do you do with all of this love that has been growing inside of you, and may never be revealed to him?<br /><br />In your mind you've created romantic settings and tender touches - but this energy remains inert.<br /><br />You have moments when you second guess yourself - your beauty, desirability, and intrigue. Then you remember yourself and laugh at the nonsensicality of the doubts. You are wonderful. <br /><br />...and your love lingers.... you want just one kiss...one kiss to make your knees melt...one kiss to make you forget yourself. <br /><br />This progression of thought leads me to think of a little song by Otis Redding and re-worked by the Commitments. <br /><br />"...you've got to hold her...squeeze her...now get to her...you've got, you've got, you've got to try a little tenderness...."Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-16946993242050369332009-11-22T18:54:00.000-08:002009-11-22T19:28:04.446-08:00Stay in the moment....<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/Swn66rFTAVI/AAAAAAAAAFw/4M8THzpQIiY/s1600/IMG_0963.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/Swn66rFTAVI/AAAAAAAAAFw/4M8THzpQIiY/s200/IMG_0963.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407128713539289426" /></a><br /><br />As I work on relationships with people I have to remember to stay in the present. It doesn't help, and it isn't fair, to revert back to the past way of communicating. We all grow in maturity, and emotionally, as the months and years pass. Everyone deserves to show who they really are - beyond our perceptions of them. <br /><br />Perhaps I can find a rapport where I thought there was none. Maybe our conversations, respect, and just honouring each other for who we are now, will grow our connection. <br /><br />I move in, and out, of feeling optimistic, and I know that this is based on my fear around repeating more of the same from our preceding interactions.<br /><br />Stay in the moment....Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-91554323299847295322009-11-16T19:38:00.000-08:002009-11-21T23:13:08.854-08:00Where are we now?<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/SwIcoZBpWhI/AAAAAAAAAFo/dR3z6DdSPmw/s1600/IMG_0966.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/SwIcoZBpWhI/AAAAAAAAAFo/dR3z6DdSPmw/s200/IMG_0966.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404913983036152338" /></a><br />Many of us women are struggling in our relationships. We may need breathing room; the space to be ourselves; to feel love for ourselves; perhaps to find hope that our unions will last. <br /><br />Some of us are clinging to complicated bonds, and others are solidifying broken ones. We face the fear of being alone, or of starting over again. Some Ladies fear change and some of us fear that we'll repeat the same dynamic. <br /><br />We all know someone who has jumped ship to swim to an island for some alone time - and this strong woman will move towards better experiences. Sometimes it takes longer than we'd like to reach this decision.... <br /><br />Maybe some of us need to look, yet again, at the men in our lives...I've added some examples of good and bad interactions with your man:<br /><br />Good - Your man is wonderful to you - he shows love and respect to, and of, you. He adds to the energy of the room, and he always has kind words for you. He's supportive in the ways that you require. His touch feels good. He holds himself accountable for his feelings and actions. <br /><br />Bad - He's mean verbally/mentally/physically, and you question if you should stay. He sucks the energy out of a room, and cuts you down. <br /><br />Please don't waste anymore of your precious time with a bad man. <br /><br />If we want to attract the best possible relationships in our lives then we must respect, love, and enjoy ourselves. It's time for women to pick up their self-esteem/confidence and try it on again. It's time for us to hold our heads up and stare down the hurdles on our paths. Let us embrace newness, challenges, and opportunities.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-76202417616687714792009-10-26T19:08:00.000-07:002011-05-13T20:20:40.470-07:00A troubling conversation between teens....Recently, I was eating lunch with my Mom and Ava; we were enjoying a quiet conversation - then three teen girls sat at the table next to us. They all appeared to be about 14 years old, and in the moments to come, I did not expect the words that came out of their mouths.... <br />
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The cell phone, of girl #1 rang, and she answered with a, "What do you want?" to her mother. Then came some more blunt/snarly words, and a few whines. After she abruptly hung up, she said, "How much do you weigh?" to friend #2. Her friend said, "I weigh 110 pounds...." Girl #1 came back with "Well, I weigh 95 pounds...." I was sitting there thinking about how ridiculous this moment was as the girls had a 6" height difference, when the third girl cut in and made fun of her "fat" friend (the 5'8", 110 pound one). She told the tall girl to stop eating one meal a day, and she would lose weight....<br />
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My Mom and I looked at each other wondering if we should say something as Ava was now listening to the conversation. Before I could ask the girls to consider another topic of conversation so my toddler wouldn't hear damaging words (I would have phrased it differently), they brought the conversation to a close. The "fat" girl said that she eats all of her meals, the 95 pound girl said that she eats only lunch, and the third girl said that she doesn't eat any meals - and then I noticed that she had no food in front of her. <br />
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I know that eating disorders have always existed, but I have never personally heard females openly and competitively boasting about theirs. When I was 14, I guessed that a few girls in my class were dealing with food issues, but no one spoke of this. Honestly, I have to wonder how all of the music videos, movies, young celebrities, the Internet, etc. has affected the mentality of girls. When I was a teen we covered up - it was the grunge era - and if anyone exposed skin they were ridiculed. Now, girls from 5-25 years old dress the same. Upper thighs, cleavage, bare arms, and backs are on display and this has become the norm. There must be a great amount of pressure on girls to be the thinnest, prettiest, most experienced, etc. <br />
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I really feel that if families eat meals together [and spend more quality time together] then the parents may notice changes in their teens. If a girl is not eating breakfast or dinner then maybe they could pick up on this.... I know that as parents we are stretched in many directions, and we can not give the time to everything in the way we would like to, but we still need to spend the one-to-one time and have the deep conversations with our children. We need to check in more with them.... I really believe that our little girls need us Moms as role models - not the pop/rap singers, chicks in the videos with their breasts hanging out (making out with each other, grinding with the Male/Female lead), or basket case young celebrities who are on their own highway to personal hell. Perhaps if we talk about self-love we can prevent teen girls from participating in sex tapes, sexting, and everything else that they are not mentally or emotionally prepared to handle. <br />
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The topic of weight, disorders, attire, and the influence of the media and technology is so vast that I'm not presuming to cover it entirely. I just wanted to get this troubling conversation off of my chest. <br />
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I will always be considerate of my words to Ava; I will talk about food being a source of strength/nutrients/energy/growth; I will talk openly about outside influences on self-esteem, and most importantly, I will show her what it means to be a whole and confident woman.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-69119666642196418532009-10-19T15:01:00.000-07:002011-05-13T22:03:50.998-07:00The Wiggles Go Bananas & Wiggletime.com<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/StzrRSkVT1I/AAAAAAAAAE4/zNflzhHr2NA/s1600-h/Wiggles%2520Unicef%2520310.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394445135957544786" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/StzrRSkVT1I/AAAAAAAAAE4/zNflzhHr2NA/s200/Wiggles%2520Unicef%2520310.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 200px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
My little Ava turned 3 recently, and my gift to her was a set of Wiggles tickets. She was so excited for the concert and the whole week before she wanted to watch her Wiggles video - constantly.<br />
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When we arrived at the stadium, and Ava saw the stage set up, she did a little jig of glee. I wish I had it on video.... The concert was great and Ava had fun dancing and interacting with the group. The action on stage was steady, so even the adults were entertained. At one point I looked over and noticed Ava's Daddy bobbing his head to the music.<br />
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The Wiggles and their dancers performed some gymnastics, and they even had a couple of male Russian Olympic gymnasts (and oh, were they buff). <br />
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I was pretty amused by the mosh pit - vastly different from any concert I've ever been to before. The 1-5 year olds weren't head banging, but they were doing variations of "The Worm", "Fry the Bacon", and much rolling around and running. If we have the opportunity to attend a concert again, I'll make sure to get floor seats. <br />
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Overall it was a wonderful concert, and I couldn't help but smile in the positive atmosphere. <br />
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The Wiggles have launched <a href="http://wiggletime.com/public/home.aspx">Wiggle Time </a>which I have signed Ava up for. (When you sign up you can choose the length of time, and if you want to donate to Unicef.) It's a great site where she can play various games and watch videos. The games allow children to be creative, use different skills like memory, and exploration. After children have played for 20 mins the a pop up asks them to get up and take a wiggle break; the Wiggles promote fitness and wellness. <br />
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As well, there's a Parent Resource Centre which covers these topics: Competitions, Early Childhood, Healthy Body, and Safety. All of the upcoming concerts and events are listed on the site too.<br />
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Wiggletime - www.wiggletime.comSolo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-32603002069654334362009-09-28T14:24:00.000-07:002009-10-13T20:45:50.847-07:00Stay StrongTo all of those women who are leaving abusive relationships - stay strong. Remember that you do know what is best for yourself and your children. You have more rights than you think you do. Do not listen to your partners' lies about your character and intentions. You are not a bitch - or worse - and you are not being selfish in leaving. You have more people surrounding you in support than you realize. Do not look to your partners' family to assist in the process - blood is thick.... Pack now and pack fast - get out. <br /><br />Ladies, we need to be our own heroes and rely on our own force. Our little ones love us unconditionally and look to us for their safety. <br /><br />This post is for someone I know who has made the decision to move forward with her life. Hold your head up Lady, and know that we all have your back.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4530248309584484772.post-56236912824801120292009-09-07T13:18:00.000-07:002011-05-13T22:02:58.807-07:00Soak...a handwashing jewel<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/SqVySmK3QKI/AAAAAAAAAEw/wVviNLtov0Y/s1600-h/MainImage2.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5378830993773248674" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AvUakrovY9A/SqVySmK3QKI/AAAAAAAAAEw/wVviNLtov0Y/s200/MainImage2.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 157px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
Well Ladies, I took a little time to tend to some of my hand washables, and I'm pleased with the results. My new [and very pretty] H&M hot pink Peasant shirt is very soft and fresh, and my under garments - we'll just leave it at that as this group is more practical than racy - are sweet smelling. <br />
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I tried out a product called Soak, and used four different scents (Flora, Aquae, Citrus, and Unscented)...my fav is the Aquae. (My sister washed a shirt of hers while visiting, and wanted me to mention that her fav is Flora....) I washed one of Ava's dresses in the Unscented and it smells like it has been line dried. <br />
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Soak is simple to use - fill the sink with cold water, pour in your Soak scent of choice, and let the item soak for 15 mins; then gently squeeze out the water - no need to rinse. (Soak can be used for both hand washing and washing machines. The formulation can handle light and heavyweight fabrics.)<br />
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I think the next batch of hand washing will include some of Ava's stuffed friends. She has a few of my animals circa 1980 that would be happy to be hand Soaked...they fear the washing machine.... <br />
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If you would like to find out more about Soak then check out the link below. You can find a retailer in your city via their site.<br />
<a href="http://www.soakwash.com/"><br />
http://www.soakwash.com</a><br />
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I received some samples to try, and I based this post on my opinion.Solo Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04753957963804202575noreply@blogger.com0