This photo was taken at the end of my pregnancy. (Six days later, at my baby shower, my water broke and Ava arrived 6 hours after that. Her Auntie joked about her missing out on seeing all of the great shoes she was receiving as gifts, and an hour later I was heading for the hospital.)
(Last week at music class when we were supposed to be quietly following the teacher, Ava loudly started complimenting me on my new shoes - which she hadn't seen before. "Mommy, you have new shoes! Your shoes are so pretty Mommy!" I was laughing and trying to hush her at the same time. She's such a girl.)
Anyways, this post is supposed to be about me....
I like this photo because it foreshadows my contemplation and decisions to come. It's a quiet moment, on a beautiful day, and my butt looks great! Kidding, partially.... Actually, I was kicking butt at Bocce Ball and feeling strong. This strength will always carry me along. (Sometimes this strength blasts through, and takes down, whatever opposition is in the way, and she does it with a smile.)
I've always been a creative person and I have both Type B & A qualities - to add more labels. I'm very organized, punctual, and business minded which fulfills the Type A requirements. As for the Type B traits, I love to make things with my hands and to write. I just sold my Wedding Decorating Company, and started another company under which I'll make and sell bags and jewellery. (Once I have some product ready I'll start an Etsy shop.) I'm looking forward to my evenings being filled with baubles and fabric.
I'm a Pisces, and I recently found out that I have a lot of Aries in me as well - which makes so much sense. A lot of the time when people complain, or waffle, I hear in my head "Just deal with it!" Make a decision! Change your life! Buy those shoes! The Aries doesn't take over, thank God, and most of the time I'm very sensitive and I get my feelings hurt regularly. I'm a romantic and I know that life will only get better from here. I have arrived into my 30's and I'm excited!
I feel more like myself than I ever have before. No more hiding my thoughts because others can't handle my truth. I have a history of quietly losing myself when in a relationship with a man. I've always been so different than the men I was with that I withheld myself. Honestly, I didn't want to freak them out - some things that I think about are kind of out there. Now that I'm older and wiser, I see clearly that none of these men were right for me. They didn't fit into my life, not the other way around. Too bad I didn't get this by 20.
I was raised Catholic and thank God I got over that guilt years before the Mother guilt set in. That would have been too much to handle. Besides it wasn't a good match for me. I'm psychic, I don't like having rules put onto my existence, and I think that people should be able to make their own decisions about who, what, and when they do stuff in the bedroom.
I feel like I've moved past a crossroad in my life and now I have to make another decision. Perhaps re-make a decision - perhaps solidify a decision - perhaps change a decision. And around and around in my head it goes. At least I'm clear on the topic of the decision. Sometimes I have moments when I see how endearing I am, and there's no one else there to appreciate it. I know, I know, the wrong people were there (see two paragraphs above).
Overall, I'm flawed, real, and the perfect role model for my daughter.
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