As the hours count down to the end of this decade, I ponder the changes in my life. If I could tell my 21 year old self of 1999 [as she danced to Prince] what was coming up for her in the next decade she may have felt overwhelmed.
Between the years of 2000 and 2009, I have attended various universities, moved several times, supported women in crisis through on-call phone work, worked a high stress/well paying job - quit said job to start a Wedding Decor business, worked my ass off creating other people's weddings, married, travelled, had a child, grieved many family deaths, separated from my husband, spent 2 years on my own with my daughter, moved several more times, and said "Hello" and "Goodbye" to many friends.
Now it's the Eve of another new decade, and this 31 year old is ready for anything. I feel strong and optimistic, and I know in my heart that I will have a wonderful life from this moment on.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Take a look from the other side....
All of us single Moms, jilted Ladies, and broken hearted women, feel so hurt by the ending of our [romantic] relationships; but what of the men?
I know that some relationships/partnerships are abusive, or less than desirable, and others are fine but end none the less, and we all need to move on.
In our anger, sadness, and betrayal, we analyze our side over and over. We deconstruct the minutiae of events, words, feelings, and outcomes. We may grow to resent our ex-partner, and think him to be thoughtless. If he feels upset by the breakup we may believe this is deserved and feel no sympathy.
As we experience the deep loneliness of being single and having to re-group to move forward, perhaps these men do too. It is possible that they have unresolved feelings of rejection, sorrow, guilt, sadness, etc. I mean anything is possible right?
While we reel in the misery and relief that comes with a dissolution, maybe our Ex's are doing, and going through, the same things. Perhaps we should give them more credit - maybe not all of them, but some of them.
As much as we want to grow and find ourselves again, they must want this as well - I'm speaking of the mature men.
I was listening to the lyrics of "You Still Touch Me" and I thought about what life may be like on the other side.
Another night finds me alone
In my dreams
You still touch me
Now if I sleep
I sleep here alone
In my bed tonight
You still haunt me
In my nightmares
You still hold me
And after all that we've been through
Now I'm wondering
If you still blame me
If only half of this was true
That you believe of me
You still shame me
I close my eyes
I seem to hear the raindrops saying
You won't come back
- Sting; You Still Touch Me; Mercury Falling, 1996 -
So much sadness for everyone involved in a disintegrated union.
Instead of lashing out at the other side with words, actions, etc. perhaps we can give each other a break. This is hard on every one of us as it is - we all need the space to go inside and heal.
Take away the Man vs. Woman, Woman vs. Man energy, and we're left with humans who are flawed, and who just want to be loved and respected.
If we look at our Ex's and accept who they were, who they are, and who they'll be, then respect can flourish.
[In this post I'm not speaking of relationships where extreme abuse, endangerment, or inappropriate behavior in front of children occurred. In these cases emotional and physical distance, hope, time, and the law may have to be factors in letting go and gaining respect.]
I know that some relationships/partnerships are abusive, or less than desirable, and others are fine but end none the less, and we all need to move on.
In our anger, sadness, and betrayal, we analyze our side over and over. We deconstruct the minutiae of events, words, feelings, and outcomes. We may grow to resent our ex-partner, and think him to be thoughtless. If he feels upset by the breakup we may believe this is deserved and feel no sympathy.
As we experience the deep loneliness of being single and having to re-group to move forward, perhaps these men do too. It is possible that they have unresolved feelings of rejection, sorrow, guilt, sadness, etc. I mean anything is possible right?
While we reel in the misery and relief that comes with a dissolution, maybe our Ex's are doing, and going through, the same things. Perhaps we should give them more credit - maybe not all of them, but some of them.
As much as we want to grow and find ourselves again, they must want this as well - I'm speaking of the mature men.
I was listening to the lyrics of "You Still Touch Me" and I thought about what life may be like on the other side.
Another night finds me alone
In my dreams
You still touch me
Now if I sleep
I sleep here alone
In my bed tonight
You still haunt me
In my nightmares
You still hold me
And after all that we've been through
Now I'm wondering
If you still blame me
If only half of this was true
That you believe of me
You still shame me
I close my eyes
I seem to hear the raindrops saying
You won't come back
- Sting; You Still Touch Me; Mercury Falling, 1996 -
So much sadness for everyone involved in a disintegrated union.
Instead of lashing out at the other side with words, actions, etc. perhaps we can give each other a break. This is hard on every one of us as it is - we all need the space to go inside and heal.
Take away the Man vs. Woman, Woman vs. Man energy, and we're left with humans who are flawed, and who just want to be loved and respected.
If we look at our Ex's and accept who they were, who they are, and who they'll be, then respect can flourish.
[In this post I'm not speaking of relationships where extreme abuse, endangerment, or inappropriate behavior in front of children occurred. In these cases emotional and physical distance, hope, time, and the law may have to be factors in letting go and gaining respect.]
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