I just remembered a conversation that I had two years ago with one of my Uncles. He was saying how his Mother (my maternal Grandma) was his Lighthouse. (She passed away when he was 18.) He said that I'm Ava's Lighthouse, and when I asked who mine is he said "You". In his elderly wisdom (he's 7 years older than me) he was totally right.
I've always been completely independent inside. I've always been emotionally and mentally strong. I've always been my own rock. Sometimes I just want to cuddle up into a pair of big strong arms, and crumble. I want to be with a man who has my back - so I can take some time off of watching my own, and I can be mushy for a little while. This will come soon - I can feel it - and instead of following my past patterns of pushing away to stand tall, I'll let him be there for me. (I may even open my arms and ask.)
This photo was taken 6 years ago when I was a new Bride. It's me, a rock, a sunny day, and a Lighthouse....
... The visual of a Lighthouse differs so greatly - a faint light, in the dark night, barely visible in the thick fog; and a blindingly white tower, on a beautiful sunny day, standing tall on a cliff side (perhaps a little weather beaten). Both exist, and both portray the flow and the way we feel inside.
(I swear to God just now a tv commercial came on about a Lighthouse!)