Ruminating Mommy

Since I'm no longer a Single Mommy I have decided to start writing under a new name, and thus have moved my postings from this blog to Ruminating Mommy.

I would love it if my current Followers of "Solo Mommy" would join me at "Ruminating Mommy" as I will be deleting this blog after a period of time. I also invite any new Followers to link to "Ruminating Mommy". (I am always excited to see a new follower...and I love receiving comments....)

Dimple Elbows...

As Ava grows everyday I see less and less of the baby, and more of a little Lady. She has opinions and concerns, and she states them at every opportunity. I watch her use teaching moments with younger children - to keep them safe - and I smile because she's very clear on boundaries and rules....

Now that she's in Preschool I see that Ava does still have some of her baby face [in comparison to the other children], and I feel a mixture of happiness and sadness for the day when her puffy cheeks disappear. With the warmer Spring/Summer weather she'll be dressing in
t-shirts - and I'll take every opportunity to stare at her dimple elbows before they smooth over.

The cycle of Womanhood

We are fortunate in our Womanhood to be a part of the cycle. Another woman is always entering into the same situation that we just moved past. Someone else has experienced what we're just beginning. In our lives we will always be supporting another Lady, or looking for encouragement.

Our words to each other are important as we all feel extremely alone at some time in our lives. Someone else understanding how we feel probably won't lessen our emotions, but this mutual knowing can carry us through to better times. As Jim Morrison said, you've got to "Break on through to the other side...."

Let's be thoughtful with what we say. Smiling at another women as we pass on the sidewalk can lift spirits (theirs and ours) - we never know what kind of day, or life they're having.

I know that this cycle is not exclusive to Women - all humans are a part of it - but for this post I want to put the energy into Womanhood.

Seven Deuce

Several people asked me if there was any significance to the large 7 my husband brought home awhile ago (see my previous post Seven.... ). At the time I thought that there wasn't. Yesterday I thought about this upcoming weekend, and I realized that it will be our 7th Wedding Anniversary. (Years 5 and 6 we spent apart.)

The Universe is a funny thing....

The Labour Union Photographers

In part with being listed as one of the "30 Ultimate Vancouver Mom Blogs" on Vancouver Mom I received some courtesy head shots. I want to thank The Labour Union Photographers for my lovely photos.

Nights out....

I'm excited because tonight I'm attending an event for the "30 Ultimate Mom Blogs" hosted by Vancouver Mom. I'm looking forward to meeting the other Ladies who blog, and possibly making some new connections.

Tomorrow evening I'm going out with my two closet friends for a chick night.... I'm going to paint my nails, put on some
heels, and enjoy an apple martini. (I will greatly miss my little sister not being there, but she's coming for a visit next month.)

Two nights out in a row is something I haven't done in years....

Happy Mother's Day

To all the Ladies who are Mothers/expectant Mothers - Happy Mother's Day!

I know that so many women who do not yet have children, spent another day thinking about their future kids...wondering how long they'll have to wait to meet the little ones, and what their characteristics will be. To these women I say, utilize your time for yourself now, and enjoy what you have in your life at this moment. When they do arrive, a significant portion of your thoughts, and every decision you will make will be involving, and for, them. They will charm you with their sweetness and loving innocence, and in the next moment make you want to rip your hair out....

My sweet little Ava gave me these blooms (also from my Husband and the cat) for Mother's Day. Purple is my favourite colour, and I always like to get flowers. She also made me a gift at Preschool, and yes, I did tear up when she gave it to me. Somehow, over the three and a half years she's been on this planet, I've turned into a woman who can cry upon receiving a homemade card...and watching sappy commercials....

The other day Ava told me that she "...loves me more than the hugest rainbow, the sun, and the stars, and dolphins." She said it with conviction and gave me a big hug. Pretty cute - it canceled out the previous whining.

Seven....

I feel grateful for the funny moments in life. For example, when your spouse comes home from a vintage shop with a 3 ft tall 7. His sheepish look says it all,
"Will anyone else love this 7?"
"Will I have to take back the 7?"

I happen to like the number 7, and I don't mind having some bizarre items hanging on my walls....

Ava excitedly exclaimed, "I've never had a 7 on my living room wall before!" It seems that she's also game for things that are off the wall...or on the wall in this case.

Vancouver's 30 Ultimate Mom Blogs

I am thrilled to have Solo Mommy listed as one of the 30 Ultimate Vancouver Mom Blogs on Vancouver Mom! Thank you to everyone who voted for my blog - I appreciate the votes, and I value the recognition.

Grab a tea, or a glass of wine, and have a read through some of the other blogs that are on the list on Vancouver Mom.

Feeling love....

I have moments in my daily life when I feel pure contentment in my relationship. I smile to myself and continue on with my tasks. This quiet understanding that love can be tranquil and be true, elevates me to move forward to feel more love. Drama, passion, fire, and the push and pull of desire are just as real as peacefulness, contentment, tenderness, and gratitude. Any of these emotions and actions make us feel alive.

My personality is calm and quiet... it makes sense that I feel love in this way.

Let's stop judging our feelings in comparison to how other's experience love, and instead focus on adoring the people in our lives in ways that are unique to each of us.

Ava's adjustment....

Ava is adjusting very well to her new home with Mommy and Daddy. Her nighttime sleeping was a little off kilter for the first week, and now we're back into the swing of things. Not that anything can be swung around here...we still have some boxes to unpack....

If Ava has an upset in the night she can snuggle for a bit with Mommy and Daddy before going back to her big girl bed. She can choose which parent does bath time and bedtime stories (and Mommy can choose if she wants Daddy to do them so she can unwind...).

Sometimes Daddy surprises Ava and Mommy by showing up after Preschool to play in the park and to give a ride home. He also takes her for walks to the grocery store with a list prepared by Mommy...so Mommy can have some quiet time....

Ava will enjoy some Daddy time on Saturday morning when Mommy sleeps in and Daddy prepares her breakfast. She will enjoy some Mommy time on Sunday when Daddy sleeps a little longer. Really, between the child and the cat, no one will be getting any extra sleep - but we're going to stay in bed and attempt it anyway.

Speaking of the cat, he keeps Ava entertained and giggling throughout the day. Sometimes Mommy feels like she's living in a zoo...with the cat rolling toilet paper down the stairs...then pouncing and shredding it...and Ava putting her little stuffed puppy (on a leash) in the cat water bowl for an "Around and Around" (as she aptly named it) leaving cat water all over the kitchen floor.... (Mommy loves post shower surprises - but hey if a t.p. stair runner and an "Around and Around" allow an extra 5 minutes in the shower then so be it.)

Adjustments and relaxation are happening all over the place here....

Reaching out....

It's amazing the potential encouragement we miss out on by not reaching out to other Moms. I've been in many children's classes with Ava over the past two years, and I thought that I was the only single Mom among these Moms.

I recently found out that a Mom in one of Ava's previous classes is a single Mom. Over the last year our daughters have been in several classes together and we missed the opportunity of becoming friends - of being a support to each other. (We have now moved and I won't see this Mom again.)

We never know what doors may open for us if we share just a little more with other women. A single sentence can change someone's day, and a conversation can change a person's life.

I'm going on a vacation!

I'm getting very excited to leave in two days for a much needed vacation. I'm going to visit my sister - she moved across the country in the summer. I know that I'll miss Ava as I haven't spent more than a few days away from her ever, but at the same time I really need some Me time.

I'm looking forward to the quiet of the plane trip - this sounds odd I know. I'll be able to read (a novel or gossip magazines), listen to music, and watch a movie, and my only concerns will be - Do I want to eat this? Should I take a nap?

Ava's Daddy will be watching her for the week and they'll have fun together. She'll have plenty of park time, and he'll have a chance to experience what it's like to spend time with her 24 hours a day again.

Ava has known for awhile that I'm going, and this week she started saying, "I'm going to miss you when you're away". It's very sweet - I'll probably start to feel a physical ache a few days into the trip. I'll be busy though...being an audience member on a couple of t.v. shows, seeing the Ballet, wandering the museum, being a tourist.... Much of my time will be spent shopping, having cocktails, and planning future endeavors.

Before I go I have to pack for the week (for myself and Ava), finish preparing and cleaning my place for viewings while I'm away, and be a parent volunteer on Ava's preschool field trip - this will be my day tomorrow....

Newness....

I have been told that people can't change. I disagree with this - are we all the same people we were last year? Five years ago? Ten? I really hope not....

We are ever changing - we evolve and continually grow into ourselves. Everyday we make decisions to propel forward. The same can be said for our partners/ex-partners. Time, consideration, lack of anger, and dissecting the old and creating the new allow for all involved to start over.

I haven't written about how my husband and I came to be back together - our words, actions, and feelings around this are between us. Nothing was overnight, there were no quick decisions, and time played the biggest factor in our new relationship. No pressures to be anything other than who we are now.

I want a loving, supportive, and positive relationship for myself. Nothing I do is rash or weak minded, and my plans aren't made in the naive hope that things have changed for us. I'm in a new and different relationship from any I've experienced before - I just happen to have a history with this man.

We have both earned the respect and love of each other for who we are now - kind, thoughtful, openly loving, happy people.

A lot of relationships should remain ended - but there are exceptions...and in this exception lays my sweet little family.

I'm not justifying unkind behavior/words, I'm speaking only of my experience. I do not want any woman to stay with someone who puts her down, physically hurts her, or worse.

I am grateful for everything that I felt/went through - good and bad - because it lead me to this place. I know how I was accountable for some upset in our previous relationship - ie. not speaking up and fading into the background - and I'm actively being present.

I give my husband credit, he didn't give up on us after I said I was done and actively talked to a Lawyer. He never seemed 100% sure - but he respected my decision [because who wants to be with someone who doesn't love them?]. The reality is that the love never went away - we just buried it.

None of us can judge another based on our similar experiences. All experiences are different even when they look the same. We all have our own feelings, perceptions, and stories because we are all diverse.

We can offer each other advise and encouragement, but ultimately we need to make our choices based on how we feel now, and what makes us feel good.

If we feel joy in life then we enjoy our lives. Those around us who have opinions [about us] based on their lives can remain stuck in our old relationships. That is their prerogative.

Reuniting....

I am enjoying the resiliency of self that emotional closure can bring. The end of lingering bitterness, and anger, from the failures of a relationship. No more thoughts about who said what, or who was wronged.

I'm feeling life one day at a time... or for the first time.... I'm actively looking forward to great changes of events, and what I'm inviting into my life.

The final months of 2009 brought new perspectives and the space to examine past decisions - to feel them out again. Once I make a decision I go with it with no self doubt, but I was hit with a change of heart this time. Time apart has allowed my Ex and I to let go of the old and embrace the new.

Now we are getting together for what feels like the first time. We are open and we never were before. Over the last year our respect for, and of each other, has strengthened. I have realized that he has had my back...I never acknowledged this before. We are optimistic together, talking when we would have usually remained silent, planning goals for our family as one, enjoying our daughter together.

I feel content knowing that the other person in the world who loves Ava as I do will be there for her everyday. When I look up with a happy tear at one of her accomplishments, his eyes will be the ones I meet. When I look up with emotion because of one of my accomplishments, his eyes will be the ones I look to.

My family and friends have had mixed feelings about our new relationship. Some people are thrilled for us, and others are living in our past, and may never let go of their feelings and perceptions. Their opinions are just that, theirs, and no one knows the goings on of a relationship unless they're in it. So I'm moving forward because I want to - I can do this with, or without, support as this feels right for us.

My Ex is no longer my "Ex" and he is now my Husband. I have a Husband...after 2 years apart this title sounds different to me.