I am enjoying the resiliency of self that emotional closure can bring. The end of lingering bitterness, and anger, from the failures of a relationship. No more thoughts about who said what, or who was wronged.
I'm feeling life one day at a time... or for the first time.... I'm actively looking forward to great changes of events, and what I'm inviting into my life.
The final months of 2009 brought new perspectives and the space to examine past decisions - to feel them out again. Once I make a decision I go with it with no self doubt, but I was hit with a change of heart this time. Time apart has allowed my Ex and I to let go of the old and embrace the new.
Now we are getting together for what feels like the first time. We are open and we never were before. Over the last year our respect for, and of each other, has strengthened. I have realized that he has had my back...I never acknowledged this before. We are optimistic together, talking when we would have usually remained silent, planning goals for our family as one, enjoying our daughter together.
I feel content knowing that the other person in the world who loves Ava as I do will be there for her everyday. When I look up with a happy tear at one of her accomplishments, his eyes will be the ones I meet. When I look up with emotion because of one of my accomplishments, his eyes will be the ones I look to.
My family and friends have had mixed feelings about our new relationship. Some people are thrilled for us, and others are living in our past, and may never let go of their feelings and perceptions. Their opinions are just that, theirs, and no one knows the goings on of a relationship unless they're in it. So I'm moving forward because I want to - I can do this with, or without, support as this feels right for us.
My Ex is no longer my "Ex" and he is now my Husband. I have a Husband...after 2 years apart this title sounds different to me.